A True Movement of God

Throughout the entirety of my life I have been a believer. I have been a believer in the fact that Christ had died to redeem my debt that I could not repay. I have been a believer that Christ was the Son of God and only through Him could I come to the Father. I went to church nearly every Sunday, I read the Bible from time to time, and I always thought that I was in good shape ( spiritually speaking). Of course I would have my times of a lessened spiritual awareness as well as heightened spiritual awareness, but at no time in my life would I have ever thought that I would have been at the center of a movement of God. At no time would I have thought that I would have been able to really hear Him speak to me or let alone work through me.

I am a dreamer, a guy who often times will have really stupid off the cuff type of dreams. The kind of dreams that when you are actually dreaming, you know that you are dreaming. So for someone like me to say that God has spoken to me through my dreams someone might say that it was just simply that, a dream. These weren't just dreams, they were reality for me at the time. 

Dream 1) 

This dream was really not something that I thought would affect me. You see, for some reason I actually forgot about this dream until last night in church. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Why a dream this significant would hit me over a year later, but as it stands I remember it as clear as day now. I was standing somewhere where the sun had set and the backdrop of the sunset was so beautiful. Every color you can think of! So as I was being enamored with this beauty I was able to focus on a man standing about a hundred yards away from me. Suddenly I realized that all of the beauty from what I originally thought was the sun was really radiating from this man. I focused more on him and realized that it was Jesus, only He was walking away from me. As if He knew when I finally realized that it was Him was when He turned to me waving His arms said " Come To Me". Then He turned and started walking away again. I remember now waking up feeling like I just saw Jesus. It seemed as though time stood still and Holy Crap! I just saw Jesus!

Some time passed as I obviously seemed to forget that I saw Jesus. It began to fade as the importance of "my life" began to creep back into the days and weeks that passed. Now that I look back on it it seems almost unfathomable that I could have been that dead to Him, but I was.

Dream 2)

This one is and has been very difficult to talk about until now. Not because of anything but the sheer beauty in it, not that the first one wasn't beautiful. I was actually sleeping in my dream and was awakened by a strange commotion in the family room. The light was on as well so I thought something was wrong. So I grabbed my gun, chambered a round and started to proceed down the hall. When I was able to see what the commotion was I could have died then and there. In my family room were two large men and my sweet Lillian with a gun to her head. I instantly dropped my gun, and began to plead with them to let her go. I remember not being able to figure out why they were there in the first place. Robbery maybe and Lilly woke up, I don't know. Anyway, I offered to leave Lilly and the rest of my family so they could take anything they wanted. I tried to reason with them. Then the man with the gun glanced at the picture of Jesus  that we have on the wall. He looked back at me as if he had just realized that we were "Christians" and said to me, " I will give back your daughter to you alive and we will leave here if you tell me that He is not your Savior". I want you to denounce that man as God is what he asked me to do.

I began weeping! I only could do one thing. I started to explain to my daughter that I could not do that. I tried to comfort her in her last moments of life. She was crying but in a way that I knew she understood what was about to happen. As time passed so slowly we  talked about how in only moments she will be sitting with Jesus and laughing joyfully and soon I will be with her as I could have only assumed. But, as I began to pray for her in a way that only God could have inspired in me, I woke up. In my bed I was physically crying. Crying for my daughter that I still believed was not with me anymore. My pillow was wet with tears of pain that I have never felt in my entire life even to this day. It was minutes before I finally realized that I still had my Lilly-billy. I could not for the life of me understand what just happened to me. It was so terrible that I absolutely felt no happiness for at least the time it took for God to clarify the dream to me. 

At first I thought that it was a dream that proved to Christ how faithful I would be to him, nope! Then I thought it was a dream to show that maybe I needed to step up my efforts for Him, NOPE! God showed me that night, I think beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I already had Him in my heart, and He was showing me how He already had the highest importance in my life and, I had to know that not Him. It was me that couldn't grasp where my heart had been this entire time. My whole life He had already dwelt in my heart and changed it but I could not grasp that He had already done that for me. It wasn't that I had to change my heart, it was done for me. He let me know that night that I was ready to begin His work. He let me know that night that I was already able to do His work. He let me know that night that it was time for me to listen to the Holy Spirit and obey. I was Abraham and Lilly was Isaac and I was willing to sacrifice my daughter to glorify God. God showed me that night that he was going to begin a blessing through me that is now beginning to show His mighty power. 

So I begin reading, and reading, and reading, and reading. Every single book that I read connects with the next and the next and the next. The scripture connects with a book that connects with a message from Phil that connects with a message from Billy Graham and so on and so on and so on. RIDICULOUS! It got so bad ( or rather amazing) that I would turn on a random speaker from a christian t v station and I would tell Melissa that I bet this connects with that. So I began to read and listen and listen and listen. It is an amazing thing when you begin to hear Gods voice. Many times I would feel Him move me. Many times I could hear His Spirit speak to me and I would listen and I would obey. The more I would listen the more I would hear, the more I would obey the more things He would tell me. CRAZY!

So six months ago or so I started to get these thoughts. I would call them daydreams but I would still be doing whatever it was that I was doing. I would find myself preparing my dads eulogy. I would maybe be actually giving my dads eulogy. No matter what it was it had to do with my dads funeral. As They happened I would try to just push them out as bad thoughts or stupid random events. They didn't seem very crucial to me at the time. Out of nowhere one day though I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that I was supposed to start a small group with my brothers and especially my dad. It seemed strange but as the feeling grew I realized that my family never talked about the very thing that was the most important, our faith. I asked Melissa what she thought and she said it sounded kinda fun.

My dad said NO! Well not actually no but he was not sure that he wanted to. He would think about it. I went to my mom to ask her what she thought and she very wisely said, " pray for him, all you can do is pray for him". So for three weeks I prayed for my dad and my brother and my brother in law. So I confidently went back to my dad and he said yes. I wasn't sure why I felt such an urgency for my dad especially because I still had not connected all the daydreams to this yet. They were still weird random thoughts to me. They quickly became more than random.

After I felt Africa calling me I was really feeling this complete desire to grow. More importantly the desire to follow Christ in everything I would do. It was as if He and I were completely connected, as I believe we were created to be. Well I was experiencing it for the first time. Shortly before my trip I felt a little more fear for my dad. A few more daydreams, which I now believe was the Holy Spirit preparing me for this period in my life. As I was really gearing up to leave and I went to my parents to say goodbye, I felt an emotion with my dad that I have never felt before. My dad was always a lips kisser with our family and I don't know if I was insecure or if it just became a habit but I always went for the cheek. Well that night before I went to Africa I kissed my dad on the lips for the first time in ten years maybe. I don't know why either. I had brief thoughts that I may not see him again. 

To head home after the most life changing experience of my young life you can imagine how excited I was to come home. I asked Melissa how my folks were, and she thought that my dad was doing better. I was able to have one more small group with him. Discussion question: If you were to die tomorrow, what would you be thankful for and what would you regret? That was what we discussed per our Crazy Love Study Guide.

My dad said that he was so thankful that he was learning how to follow Christ and not just say it. He was thankful that the small group was changing his heart. He was thankful for a lot. He had no regrets! None. I think that my dad was in the best spot spiritually that he had ever been. God was and had prepared his heart and spirit for his death on March 30th. The most fascinating part of it all was that on my way up north the day before, I had had the strongest Holy Spirit prompting yet, another eulogy for my dads funeral. Still could not connect the dots because I was not supposed to. And on the day of, I believe at the exact time of my dad's death I read a passage from the Bonhoeffer biography that I was reading, completely magnifying how beautiful Christ' defeat over death truly was. I read it at least five times and could not understand why it meant so much to me. 

Through this experience, I found out that from one conversation I had with someone I know, about a book  I was reading on my front porch after randomly coming home from work early one day, I unknowingly stopped him from doing the same thing that my dad did. I was home early and didn't know why. I was reading on my porch swing and didn't know why. He came to my house in the middle of the day and I didn't know why. We talked about Christ in my life and what He meant to me and I didn't know why. It was when I called him to tell him about my dad's death that he told me why. God had a new plan for him and it wasn't death that day for him. If God had wanted anyone to intercede for my dad than surely it would have happened. 

Our days our numbered in the book of life from before we are born. God new of this day long ago and because he knew of it He also knew how to fulfill it the way that He saw fit. I believe that it is through extreme pain and questions that seeds begin to sprout up. I believe that many who were at the funeral felt the hand of God work in that building. I believe that it was through this event of pain and sorrow that the magnificence of God is being fulfilled. I believe that it gives more reason than ever to depend upon His redemption and His glory. If someone cannot see God's hand in this event well than they just don't have their eyes open. I don't claim to be righteous, I don't claim to be Christlike, but what I do claim and will forever claim is that I choose to trust Him. No matter what the cost to me. I know in my heart that He has started a fire in me that cannot be suppressed, He has moved me as I had asked Him to shortly after the second dream. I have for the first time in my life, experienced a movement of God! 

Keep Praying

This has been a trying month for our families. Our hearts and prayers continue to go out to the Heydenburgs this week and into next as they cope with their loss. We pray that they are able to celebrate the resurrection and what it means for them this year as they know Al is in his resurrected body alongside Jesus in Glory.

We are playing a special song on Easter Sunday (perhaps - depending on the number of baptisms in each service) that has really resonated with me the past couple of days in light of the Heydenburgs' suffering and the other requests we have right now.

Each family in our group is either working through either physical, emotional, or spiritual difficulty. Between ailments, losses, or suffering loved ones we can all lean on the same kind of prayer. I hope we all find peace and a sense of God's renewing power through the words of this song.

God bless you guys.

With Love,

Prayer Requests and Praises for March 18th

Please be in prayer for Chris as he is wrapping up his last few hours in Africa. We are praying for his safety as he begins his travel home late this evening. We are continuing to pray for Melissa and the kids and pray for a safe trip to Detroit as they pick up Chris tomorrow evening.

We want to lift up Steve and Casey and the work they are doing in Africa. We are so thankful for everything they are doing and pray that they continue to cling to God with all they are dealing with.

James and Danee are needing prayer about selling their car. We need God's guidance and not our own. We do not want to be hasty about selling it. James got an email about 10:30pm Sunday night from Doug Maher asking if anyone had a car to sell a buddy of his. We are prayerfully considering it but the amount is less than we were thinking about asking. This email is very timely considering that we just asked for prayers about 3 hours before the email was sent. We want to make sure this is a God thing and not a hey what a coincidence because we want to get rid of it.

Caleb's medicine just went up and seems to be causing some facial side effects. He has been constantly blinking and we just lift him up that the blinking will subside as his body gets used to the new dose.

We want to be praying for Jessica as she is having anxiety about the delivery of her baby. We pray that God will calm her anxiety and give her the peace and strength she needs for the rest of her pregnancy and while she gives birth to this little boy miracle that God has given her and David.

We give praise to God that Robert's grandpa's surgery went well and they seemed to have gotten all of the cancer and there were fewer tumors than they had originally expected. We lift him up to you LORD as there were fewer tumors but they had to dig a little deeper to get them out. We pray for healing on his body. We also pray for wisdom for his doctors and especially his oncologist as he decides what the next step is.

Dying Rather Than Trying

One thing that really resonated with me in the last video was the notion of "dying every day" instead of "trying every day." Trying puts the control in my hands and enables me to say, "well, I tried" at the end of the day. It releases me of responsibility if I fail, but gives me all the credit if I succeed.

On the contrary, dying daily places all responsibility on me when I fail and releases me from credit when I am successful because dying daily requires me to hand everything over to God. If the day does not go how it should, chances are I got in the way. I probably tried to do it on my own, my way, without prayer and petition.

So, every day since last Sunday (with a couple exceptions) I have started the day with a simple prayer. "Lord, I surrender to you today. I die to my ambitions. I die to my desires. I die to my will, to my temper, to my words, to my work, to my relationships, to everything. Lord, kill the me residing within this body and live here instead. 'For it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.' Please be seen and heard through me today."

I am trying to do my job in 45 hours a week. For Lent, I gave up about 10 hours of work a week. I haven't made it yet, but have come very close. This act of leaning on him, coupled with my daily prayer, asking God to kill my selfish ambition and vein conceit, I have found more patience, more time for my family, more rest. I am enjoying my work more than I have in years and I am gaining clarity regarding how to pray for God's will in my life.

The convergence of my Lay Ministry Life Team, devotion, reading, and our Life Team is honestly changing me.

How are you all feeling right now? How is God working in your life? Where is life finding you?

This blog started strong and has been quiet for a while...let's light it up right now. I'm praying for you and would love to hear from you.

Prayer Requests and Praises for March 4th

As we pray this week we have a lot of requests. As you think of them during the week take that as an opportunity to lift someone up to God and give their request to Him.

Prayer Requests

Chris - leaving for Africa Tuesday ~ 6th and will return on the 21st. Pray for safe travels, guidance, good health and protection. Pray that God will do a work in him and through him. We are so proud to have a member of our group going and helping our brothers and sisters in Christ in another part of the world. We look forward to hearing about how God used you in Guinea!

Melissa and kids - strength and guidance for Melissa while Chris is gone. We pray for a sense of security and peace for the kids.

Aaron's mom - had sepsis (bacteria in her blood) and pneumonia. Her ports removed due to infection from the sepsis. Has to eat on her own. She has a few more chemo treatments.  We pray for healing and strength for her body.

Jessica's dad - PRAISE that his surgery went well last Wednesday! He is back in the hospital because his bowels are partially paralyzed. This has made his stomach descend which is causing more pain to the area that had surgery. He cannot have any pain medication because it causes constipation. We pray for healing on his body and wisdom for the doctors.

Robert's grandpa - he is doing better ~ will be going to see the oncologist who will determine if he will have surgery on the 13th. We pray for knowledge for the doctors and God's presence for his grandpa.

Caleb - going back to the doctor Tuesday to help determine what the next step is. He has had 2 appointments. We pray for a sense of discernment  in this situation.

Justin and Kelly - learning to live without Chris. We pray for strength and comfort for them, especially Kelly during this time.

Praises

Danee - lump is gone! Praise God!

Robert - back in school starting in May. Depending on time and scheduling he should be there 3 semesters then plans to transfer to Spring Arbor University. We pray that God will calm any anxiety that goes along with making big decisions.

His Divine Intervention

       A "theme" that has been a small topic of conversation between a few of us recently has really been weighing on me the last few days. I've been trying to post something on it but for some reason I could only comment. It's taken care of now though so here's my post. The theme that we have touched on back and forth is true faith.

     What I have been hearing from this idea actually has also been stemming from our recent action of posting our prayer requests. Ya know, there is a significant connection between the two. I do not mean for this to sound offensive to anyone because I am speaking for myself here as well. Sometimes, not always, I think that when we pray for something  but preemptively include the words "if its Your will God"; it leaves room to be let down. Christ tells us that faith can move mountains! Can you all really believe that? Can I? It sounds a little ridiculous if you ask me but I really am starting to believe that. That is not to say that it would ever really make any sense for us to move a mountain by faith. Maybe we should just leave the actual mountain moving to God.

     We all have mountains in our lives though. We have to stop praying with a questioning heart and start praying with real faith behind it. Why are we afraid to pray for actual healing in friends like Chris Newman, Roberts grandpa, or Aaron's mom. Christ has given us authority to pray for real action. Yes, there is definitely an element of Gods will in everything, and it is likely that he has specific plans for peoples earthly lives, but how many times in the bible did a believer pray to God with authority and change Gods heart. I would think that millions were saved throughout the ages because of prayer with real faith.

     I am now starting to sense even as I write this that prayer without faith behind it may just be a little more than asking God for a favor. God I'm sure loves our praises and I'm sure hears our prayers even now but I just can't help but think that He is just sitting up there waiting for us to raise our prayers to Him with the absolute faith that when we ask for healing - we get it! When we ask for a spiritual awakening - we get it! When we ask for anything that a true believer in Christ could possibly need - WE GET IT!!! No more "if it be your will God" questioning prayers. There is no faith in a question like that. "If it's your will" gives more room for our " lack of faith " to be proven.

     As I said I am generally speaking here to us, not to just you guys. Collectively I think that our group can really start making a difference in peoples lives. Spoken words might possibly be just words without faith. I've touched on in the past a bit how I think that we have just started to scratch the surface on what God has in store for us as real believers in Christ. Our finite minds have a real difficult time understanding the greatness of God, but I also believe that our finite minds have a tool that can be used to reach into Gods heart and ask for Him to really give us  His Divine Intervention. Faith is everything!

Lent

I was challenged last year to give something up for Lent...something that I would actually notice. I opted for chocolate. It was a small step into a powerful experience. It worked, too. I made it through Easter without eating chocolate. Yeah for me. Every time I wanted chocolate, I was reminded to pray in my temptation. I know this is trivial, but I started small on purpose. 

This year needed to be different. I have been praying for a few days about what to give up for Lent. It needed to be something more significant than sweets. It needed to be something that I could connect to our studies with "Not a Fan." I wanted to choose something that interferes with my relationship with Jesus. The idea is that I will tackle something that enslaves me, something that I feel captive to. 

It's no secret that I have struggled to find balance with my work for the past two years or so. I realized last night that I have really never had that balance. I am just becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the amount of time my career takes away from my family and the energy it takes away from my ministry. I have become so focused on the tasks at hand, I have even lost touch of the opportunities to minister (or lost sight of how I already do minister) in my job. 

So, I am fasting work this Lenten season. I am getting down to 45 hours a week at the school. This will mean cutting off an hour every morning and at least half and hour every afternoon...plus the occasional 4 hour Saturday work session. 

I know this is not possible without God's intervention. I need to be a better husband for my wife, a better father for my kids, and a better follower for my Lord. I need to find balance. 

Danee, Elijah, and I are all giving up something that we feel gets in the way of our relationship with Christ...even if it is only occasionally. I am really excited for our family as I step confidently into this season, prepared to rely completely on God for healing, revelation, and growth. 

My prayer tonight for our group is that each person will hear God's voice, deny him/herself, pick up his/her cross daily, and follow Him.