Thursday, February 16, 2012

where I am at right now

I have been, for the past few days, no more like the past month, lukewarm. I cannot seem to shake it but I feel like as I am trying to better myself and live for Christ, Satan is doing his best to bring me down. This time of the year is especially hard on me because it is so yucky outside and is it winter or spring who knows. I started to notice last night that even though I am reading in the Word and in prayer throughout the day the "dark" moments are winning.

Recently I asked God what He wanted me to read in the Bible and I felt like He wanted me to read Esther and Daniel. Both of those books talk about how God is in control of everything. I know that God is working in my life through what He wants me to read in the Bible, going through not a fan, and weigh down. In all of that I need to remember that He is in control NOT me. I will never be able to be the woman He needs me to be if I do not let Him fully and completely take over my life. I will never be able to lose the weight if I do not go to Him when I am having a hard time and want to eat but am not truly hungry. I am realizing that as I write that how much He is trying to talk to me and help me give 100% of myself to Him and not try to keep even 1/2% for myself. He wants all of me not most of me. I need to be able to teach and show my kids that as well. How will that look if I am like "give your all to Christ" but I keep some for myself? That is just not okay. "LORD I give my ALL to YOU." 
I am actually reading Job with James at night. Like with Esther and Daniel I asked God where to go next in my readings and He lead me to Job. Job talks about the meaning of true faith. I feel like God wanted me to read through Esther and Daniel so I can learn to give all of my control to Him and now He wants me to learn to have true faith in Him at all times, even the dark ones.  Job was tested by horrific suffering and then tempted by Satan. He wanted Job to think that God’s way of governing the world was not good and tried to drive a wedge between their relationship. Now I have not suffered like Job did but I feel like because I am trying to become who God wants me to be Satan is trying to drive a wedge between my relationship with God. I know that I can conquer Satan’s attacks with the help of God. I need to remember my life verse in Philippians 4:13 that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Who else do I need? Not food, myself getting in the way, no one but Jesus. I know that He’s got my back.  


This song by Chris Tomlin seems very fitting.


3 comments:

  1. The convergence of things in life is nothing short of God-ordained. We talked about that at our Lay Ministry Life Team last week. God is bringing everything together for all of us, I think. I have been reading about Wesleyan Theology for Lay Ministry, Genesis and Exodus for my personal devotion, Not a Fan, and Job with Danee. Recurring themes, ideas, and perspective-changing revelations have abounded in my life as a result of these studies (and the messages at church and the men's retreat).

    The thing I like the most about Job is also what puzzles me. He wrestled with God. Not literally, like Jacob, but he was ANGRY. When people tried to hold him accountable for revering God, he was harsh, short, and sometimes even sarcastic. Job is hailed as a great man of God who didn't lose sight of his faith even in the midst of extreme suffering. To see how much he struggled to understand how and why God chooses to work the way he does, knowing how respected he is in scripture...that gives me hope in my humanness. It reminds me that we do need to give God our all...which includes the ugly, imperfect parts that we would rather keep hidden.

    God doesn't want us to fake it 'til we make it. He wants real, authentic followers. He knows our hearts anyway. We should live as though we have nothing to lose, nothing to hide, and nothing to fear.

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  2. It is so unbelievable how of often God confirms His teachings to us with recurring themes. Danee, Lilly just was asking us so many questions about Job. Actually, she was a little worried about why God would allow Satan to work on Job that much. To the point anyway that He did with Job. The pain and anquish that He went through is probably a hundred fold more than any of us will go through in our lifetimes. Although we never really know. The point I guess that I'm trying to make is that it really is about true faith and that God has something so much more in store for us. Anyway, as Melissa and I were trying to answer some of Lilly's ridiculously mature questions we really couldn't sum up the main focus of Job. You did it for us the very next day with two words, TRUE FAITH! So thank you for your message it really helped me answer or rather sum up what I was trying to tell Lilly and just couldn't come up with those two major words.

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  3. That is so amazing! You are so welcome. That was all God guiding my hands what to write. I was so motivated to write my first blog after reading yours earlier that morning. So thank you Chris. While I was writing I had HUGE revealings about my life and what God has been and is currently doing in my life. It was such an incredible feeling.

    It is so awesome to see God's handiwork in all of our lives. Good job Lilly for asking questions when you don't know something. You are such a precious jewel of God. Good job Chris and Melissa! You two are such great parents to raise a child of God. Not many 6 year olds have even heard about Job let alone know enough about him to know that he suffered tremendous pain. You guys are such an inspiration to all of us.

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